In this episode of Thinking Love, Amy and I ask some important questions about habit training: are habits always the problem? And is it possible to take habit training too far?
"I would encourage in a child every good habit possible, but at the same time teach him what he will learn sooner or later by bitter experience--that he needs a power beyond his own good resolutions or training. Thus he will early learn the reality of asking for and receiving God’s strength for right doing." Mrs. Backhouse, “Limitations of Theory”, Parents’ Review
1:20- We've talked about habit training A LOT, but there are some truths that we need to address about habit training!
2:00- We know that we shouldn't ignore our kids habits. But thinking that every single problem we face as parents is a habit training problem, when it could be our own faults or something else.
3:15- Habit training is a slow process. This is a years-long thing we're talking about here. The point is to shape our child's character. Habits are one piece of it, but the three tools we have are atmosphere, discipline, and life.
4:30- I think there's such a focus on habit training because it's something that we can actually do.
6:07- Moms tend to feel really guilty when they fall off the bandwagon with habit training. I often notice is that there is some major stuff going on in the home when this often. I don't think this is a habit training issue.
8:00- Habits are a big piece of it, but we have to look at other factors that are going on. If we have neuro-diverse children, their brains are wired differently, they aren't going to react to habit training the way that other kids do.
9:00- I don't think these things are habit training failure! Atmosphere is bringing new things your way, and that is going to knock you out of habit, out of routine.
11:55-We have to have age-appropriate expectations for our kids.
14:25- I don't want to give the impression that we just give up and put all of our eggs in the atmosphere basket. We know that kids crave feeling safe and secure. Habit training really helps us give this consistency to our kids. How can we as parents use habit training during these hard times?
16:04- There was one habit I was always diligent in keeping up during the pandemic and when my third baby was born- morning time.
17:40- During lockdown, we went into super-routine.
20:16- I want to address a deeper untruth- relying too much on habit training to train our children to walk with the Lord. "...danger in putting habit almost in the place of God." (Mrs. Backhouse)
24:55- There is a lot of pressure in Christian circles to have our children obey and act a certain way.
26:24- "Education is the handmaid of religion." Volume 6
"I believe strongly in the importance of cultivating right habits, and in the power they exert over us; but sometimes I have felt that there was a danger of putting habit almost in the place of God--of thinking that everything can be accomplished by careful training, and that a child can simply, by care and watchful oversight, be turned out a great and good character. Valuable as habit is, it cannot renew the heart, and the mother who trusts entirely to her training is in danger of sad disappointment. It seems to me that those who place too great importance on habit run the risk of leaving God no room to work." Mrs. Backhouse, Limitations of Theory
Habits: The Good, The Bad, and the Worthy